Date: 08/19/11 - 10:32 am Title: Chapter 1 : Makayla
It's well written and I can tell it's going to be an awesome story but there's just one thing...
If you scroll down the chapter and look at every beginning of every paragraph. Nearly all of them start with 'He' or 'She'. Instead you could put 'The young naive teen...'
Just a suggestion!
Response To BiebersCrumpets Challenge
Date: 08/18/11 - 09:03 pm Title: Chapter 1 : Makayla
Firstly: Holy geez you're all amazing authors so this story will be awesome!
Secondly: I loved this chapter because it was so descriptive and the third person POV was written very well.
Can't wait to read more